Bryce Zabel's MOVIE SMACKDOWN!

Equilibrium (2002) -vs- The Matrix (1999)

 Reality Fights 

The Smackdown.  Life (or our perception of it) changed ten years ago with the release of "The Matrix." Its game-changing depiction of apocalyptic conflagration drew people to the cinema to witness one of the medium's most profound seismic shifts in decades. 

Somehow, somewhere in the darkest corners of the Warner Brothers lot, a duo of directing brothers accomplished something modern Hollywood had, until then, seemed incapable of creating: an intelligent, multi-layered and utterly captivating action/sci-fi thriller. We were officially welcomed into the Matrix. And film would never be the same again. 

A few years later, unheard of director Kurt Wimmer released an almost equally unheard of Christian Bale upon cinema audiences, in a post-apocalypse sci-fi/thriller entitled "Equilibrium", creating an equally multi-layered and intelligent film for audiences to find. However, only one of these two films did the business. Since they're both similarly toned, I thought it was about time to step up to the ring and let "Equilibrium" finally have a go-round with the all time champ, "The Matrix".

The Challenger. Current "Batman" incumbent Christian Bale had raised a lot of eyebrows with his stunning transformation from little-known British actor in films like "The Machinist," to big time headline star of major studio blockbusters, however, most people may have missed one of his lesser known films: "Equilibrium." Set in an apocalyptic future Earth, the film tells the story of John Preston, a Grammaton Cleric charged with subduing any behaviour showing emotion in the populace. It was felt that emotion was the primary factor that lead to war, and so, the government outlawed it. Anybody charged with having an emotion finds themselves at the wrong end of an incinerator, but when Preston himself starts to "feel" things himself, he quickly becomes the hunted, rather than the hunter. "Equilibrium" slid in and out of cinemas quite quickly, back in 2002, although many feel that it was unjustified in it's critical panning. Similarities and subtle differences between "Equilibrium" and "The Matrix" ensure that this Smackdown is going to be one close tussle!

Juno (2007) -vs- Knocked Up (2007)

 Hollywood's Having Babies 

The Smackdown. The pregnancy genre is not a new one, but two of this year’s best movies have managed to present it in a new and novel way. “Juno” tells the story of a teenage girl who gets pregnant by her barely-out-of-puberty high school sweetheart, while “Knocked Up” brings us the tale of a beautiful and bright woman who gets pregnant after an ill-advised romp with a pudgy, unemployed stoner. In both of these movies, two people who have no business having a child together, and who aren't ready for the responsibility in any way, still end up going through pregnancy and birth together. Along the way, both couples find out that whether or not they were ready when the whole thing started (with some less-than-perfect sexual experiences), they have been changed by the life they've created. There are plenty of laughs, and tears to be had in each, but which film does it better?

The Challenger. Hailed by many as this year’s answer to “Little Miss Sunshine,” “Juno” is the unusually heartwarming tale of a quirky young woman who gets, for lack of a better term, knocked up by her wimpy high school boyfriend. Director Jason Reitman (“Thank You For Smoking”) and freshman writer Diablo Cody bring us an appealing indie flick with a stellar cast: Ellen Page stars as Juno, Michael Cera as her sweetheart Paulie Bleeker, and Alison Janey and J.K. Simmons as her long-suffering mid-western parents. When sixteen-year-old Juno consents to take Paulie’s virginity, she doesn’t factor in the consequences. A few months later, Juno is starting to show, which makes for awkward walks down her high school halls. After deciding against “that other option” upon discovering that her unborn baby already has fingernails, Juno scours the PennySaver looking for potential adoptive parents. She finds them in Mark and Vanessa Loring (Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner in one of her best performances to date). The Lorings are the picture-perfect yuppie couple – at least from the outside – the only thing they are missing is a child. It is a pleasure to watch Juno cope with her rapidly changing body, her fluctuating teenage relationship with Paulie, and getting to know the future parents of her baby (all while she deals with Chemistry homework). The ensemble is the best part about the film; Ellen Page is wildly talented and her chemistry with the subtly hilarious Michael Cera is palpable. The story is fresh, funny, unique and emotional without being trite or cliché at all.

The Defending Champion. After the success of “The 40 Year Old Virgin,” many wondered how Judd Apatow could possibly top it. Fear not, he found a way: “Knocked Up.” Only his second directing endeavor ever, “Knocked Up” surpasses “Virgin” by a long shot for my money; it is funnier and more genuine. The posters for the film sum it up perfectly: An enlarged picture of greasy, sloppy, deer-in-the-headlights Seth Rogan with a caption saying “What if this guy got you pregnant?” The premise itself didn’t sound destined to succeed: Alison, a beautiful, up and coming young woman (Katherine Heigl) goes out for a night of reckless celebration after getting a big job promotion. After a few too many drinks, she decides to go home with Ben Stone (Seth Rogan), a pudgy, overeager stoner, and engage in drunken, unprotected sex. Eight weeks later, Alison is pregnant and keeping it – and shows up at Ben’s door to tell him so. The unlikely pair decides to try to make it work for the sake of the baby, and hilarity ensues. Aided by supporting characters Debbie and Pete (Alison’s sister and her husband, played by the comically brilliant Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann), the couple manages to forge a unique and surprisingly sweet relationship. “Knocked Up” is genuine above all things; even with the broad stoner and bodily-functions humor, the comedy is funny without being fake.

The Scorecard. For two movies with such similar premises, the films could not be more different. “Juno” is decidedly indie, with an emo-folksy soundtrack to match. “Knocked Up” is not. “Juno” feels slightly self-aware, like it’s trying to be artsy, while “Knocked Up” feels like it could have been entirely improv-ed. That being said, the emotion in “Juno” is real; towards the end, when Mark and Vanessa’s relationship goes awry, I really felt for Vanessa and willed their relationship to work. Likewise with Juno and Paulie – I wanted nothing more than for Paulie to get the girl, protruding belly and all. But the same can be said of “Knocked Up.” While I was hard-pressed to sympathize with Alison’s bitchy character, I really wanted Ben to win her heart and make one small step for anti-hunks everywhere. The movies have different perspectives: “Juno” tackles the premise from the viewpoint of its title character, showing us that unplanned pregnancies really can be blessings in disguise, even for teenage girls. “Knocked Up” looks at the situation through the terrified but hopeful eyes of Ben, showing us that getting knocked up is just as traumatic for the member of the relationship without the hormonal mood swings (although I supposed that too could be debated).

The Decision. This is an incredibly tough call, but the winner (by a nose) is “Knocked Up.” The simple reason is that it is so much easier to find a drama that touches you than it is to find a comedy. I fall in love with at least five indie dramas each year, and maybe one comedy every other year, if that. It is commonplace for emotional indie dramas to make me both laugh and cry, but incredibly rare for a broad comedy to do so. While “Juno” is undoubtedly sweet, fresh and different, “Knocked Up” is all of those things – plus screamingly funny. See both and you have the complete package.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007) -vs- Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)

The Smackdown. So fellow critic Mark Sanchez has already put Tim Burton’s 2007 adaptation of “Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street” up against its theatrical predecessor, and declared Burton’s version victorious. But how does the new Burton-Depp vehicle stack up against the Burton-Depp vehicle that came before it – 2005’s “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”? Clearly, Tim Burton and Johnny Depp make a great team; together, they create delightfully dark and twisted fare. Burton has proved himself a maestro of adaptation, taking the classics and making them slightly sinister (watch out for 2010’s “Alice in Wonderland.”) Both films were hailed by critics, and word on the street (by which I mean Ebert & Roeper) is that “Todd” might even earn Depp his third Oscar nod. Both feature gloomy London settings and Helena Bonham Carter in ragamuffin costumes, but which creepy collaboration wins out?

"I can also make a great chopped salad - without even looking!"

The Challenger. As we have come to expect from a Tim Burton film, “Sweeney Todd” is visually pleasing above all else – even from the opening credits. The day-glo red spurts of blood against the dingy gray background of Todd’s barbershop are as brilliant as the ridiculous get-up worn by Sacha Baron Cohen as Todd’s first unlucky customer. Johnny Depp reprises his “Edward Scissorhands” makeup and “Pirates of the Carribean” swagger, albeit with a darker glint in his eye this time. He eats up the role, playing moodily depressed and murderously mischievous equally well. He also sings surprisingly well – however, the same cannot be said for Bonham Carter, who cannot seem to navigate singing in a cockney accent. Nonetheless, she makes a perfectly lovely Mrs. Lovett, cheerfully making her “special” pies and pining away for a man whose only passion is revenge. The dependable Alan Rickman turns out another reliably despicable performance as the lecherous Judge Turpin, the villain upon whom Todd has set his sights. The whole affair is delightfully over the top, as any good musical (especially one helmed by Burton) should be.