Bryce Zabel's MOVIE SMACKDOWN!

Santa's 2007 Movie Smackdown!

The Smackdown. You certainly don't need to believe in Santa Claus to take inspiration from a good film that is either about the holiday or uses it as its backdrop. So here at Movie Smackdown! we've asked each of our critics to write a short blurb about a Christmas film that they have a special fondness for. Then we're going to submit those choices and others to the dreaded blog poll treatment. Which holiday film or films do you think are worth repeat viewing to get in the holiday spirit? Humbug, you say? Read on...

No, we don't think that you will likely choose "Fred Claus" as the Christmas film you'd want to recommend to your friends to see every year or even, maybe, this year. On the other hand, the breadth of Christmas films out there is wide and many have their passionate defenders and detractors. We think Movie Smackdown! is the perfect place to sort this out.

Here are the films that our critics have decided to advocate as the one Christmas movie they think you should either see for the first time or re-visit during the holidays. We have, as you'll see, a wide diversity of opinion.

By the way, if you're one of those people who simply want to vote and get it over with, you can go to the bottom of this post and you'll find the polls there.

The Simpsons Movie (2007) -vs- South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut (1999)

Review by Lak Rana

The Smackdown.  After nearly 400 episodes and 18 years spent entertaining viewers of all ages on the small screen, America's favorite dysfunctional family finally gets the big-screen treatment in the aptly titled "The Simpsons Movie."  In an industry dominated by flashy special effects and high-tech computer-generated animation, "Simpsons" nevertheless spares us the frills and keeps its animation style ever so simple--opting instead to deliver satirical storylines laden with witty pop-culture references.  However, "Simpsons" is not the only clever, crudely animated television series to make the leap onto the big screen.  Another little, bare bones animated series by the name of "South Park" paved the way to theaters with "South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut" almost 10 years ago--only two years after first premiering on television screens across America.  So which series made a stronger transition from television to big screen?  You'll find out in a few minutes...so... just don't have a cow, Man!

"Keep moving forward and narrowly escape death from the hands of an angry mob, or go back and fry up some nice bacon...Marge, I'll be right back!"

The Challenger.  The town of Springfield is in a state of environmental chaos after somebody illegally dumped toxic pig droppings into Lake Springfield.  EPA Chief Russ Cargill cunningly convinces president Arnold Schwarzenegger to quarantine the town in a giant glass dome to contain the problem.  When the town residents discover that their beloved Homer J. Simpson is the one to blame for all their troubles, they form a mob and force the Simpson family to flee from the bubble and become fugitives.  While the Simpsons are trying to start a new life in Alaska they discover that the EPA and the president have one last plan of action for the Springfield situation--eradicate the town by blowing it up!  Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie decide to abandon Alaska immediately and return to save Springfield.  However, stubborn Homer is still preoccupied with his selfish rituals and refuses to leave the comforts of Alaska.  When he later realizes that he is nothing without his family and friends he charges back to Springfield and saves the town from its calamitious fate.  The one draw back is that there sadly isn't enough time in this fast paced movie to explore the many characters and places that audiences have come to admire from the television series.

Holy Cow! The MPAA is really serious about its rating system. Kids, don't sneak into R-rated movies or the world will come to an end!

The Defending Champion.  "South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut" takes us to the tiny little suburb of South Park where a group of parents are in an uproar because "the boys" sneaked into an R-rated movie (starring their favorite Canadian comics Terrance and Phillip) and emerged with potty mouths that quickly infect all the other kids in town.  The parents launch a wild protest against the morally corrupt movie and eventually the United States is forced to declare war on Canada.  The plot gets even sillier as we intercut to lovers Saddam Hussein and Satan in the underworld as they scheme to take over the planet.  "Park" takes full advantage of its R-rating by bombarding the audience with the rich, over-the-top, no holds barred raunchiness that we'd naturally expect from gifted writers Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

The Scorecard.  It's no secret that the the writing for "The Simpsons" television show has gone a little stale since the famed family first hit the airwaves. For God's sake...the series has had almost 400 episodes so I understand why it would be tough to keep coming up with original show ideas at this point.  Maybe that's why the plot of "The Simpsons Movie" came across as somewhat unoriginal:  Homer does something really terrible, sees the error of his ways, and saves the day in the end. 

The movie did have a strong opening sequence and first act, however the writers appeared to run out of ideas during the lazy second act and they definitely just threw some things together in the haphazard third act in a weak attempt to give the audience some semblance of closure.  Though "Simpsons" was well written overall, it still did not manage to capture the color and energy of the early television series.  This is not to say that the film was not entertaining because it did dish out bountiful servings of the sophisticated social and political humor that has made the television series a household name.

Not to be outdone, "Park" weighed in with it's own original satirical social and political humor which, because of its R-rating, it had the liberty to take further than "Simpsons."  "Park" attacked everybody and everything and did so using an unbelievable barrage of profane words and musical numbers.  The storyline was completely ridiculous and severly keen at the same time.  Writers Parker and Stone skillfully satirized an issue that is undoubtedly near and dear to their own hearts--censorship.  However, the film was not without problems as the story did get a tad bit bogged down by the more than 12 musical sequences.

And the winner is...

The Departed (2006) -vs- Infernal Affairs (2002)

Review by Lak Rana

The Smackdown.  The Departed was easily one of the most talked about films during the 2007 Oscar race.  The film ultimately took home four statuettes -- including ones for Best Director (Martin Scorsese), Best Picture, and Best-Adapted Screenplay.  Adapted from what?  From another movie.  Departed came to American screens after Hollywood started buzzing about the 2002 hit Hong Kong film Infernal Affairs.  Affairs is no stranger to awards though, as it claimed seven Hong Kong Film Awards of its own -- including ones for Best Actor (Tony Leung), Best Director, Best Screenplay, and Best Picture.  Even though both films were clever enough to win the major "Best Picture" prize in their respective country of release, a probing question remains -- did the Departed team capitalize on an already solid script and produce a better overall film than Infernal Affairs? 

"I said this had to be low-key! So they send the President of the United States to meet me! What kind of operation is this?"

The Challenger.  Departed centers on an undercover Boston police officer, Billy Costigan (Leonardo DiCaprio), who infiltrates the underground world of Irish mobster Frank Costello (Jack Nicholson) in an attempt to bring him down once and for all.  The Boston police department has a similar infestation problem because one of their treasured own, Colin Sullivan (Matt Damon), is actually a mole for Costello.  The real fun begins when each side discovers that they have a mole in their inner circle and they scramble to find out who it is.  The story is finally resolved in a dramatic rooftop scene where both moles confront each other in a final standoff laden with inventive twists and a fair amount of bloodshed.

"Okay, for the last time, I don't care how many fingers you're holding up behind your back!"

The Defending Champion.  Affairs features Tony Leung as Yan, an undercover cop who infiltrates the Chinese mafia, and Andy Lau as Inspector Ming, a Chinese Mafia abettor who imbeds himself in the police force.  The thrill ride begins when both moles try to crack the other's identity while maintaining their own cover.  Hmmm...sounds familiar, huh?  Topping off this all-star cast, another Hong Kong powerhouse, Eric Tsang plays the rotund Mafia boss and Anthony Wong echoes in as the sympathetic police superintendent.

The Scorecard.  Although Departed borrows the bulk of its plot from its Chinese counterpart, it does weigh in with some useful fresh content of its own.  Departed does an excellent job of filling in some of the missing story elements of Affairs.  Scorsese's film offers a more thorough look at the evolution of DiCaprio's character as he grows into the Costello mob family.  Departed does the same for Damon's character showing his quick rise through the police department despite ruffling a few feathers along the way, most notably those of fellow officer Dignam (Mark Wahlberg) -- a character not present in Affairs and used effectively for comic relief and exposition in Departed.  In true Hollywood fashion, Departed also throws both moles into a love triangle creating more fodder for conflict.  The mob boss character was also made an FBI informant in Departed, a motivating detail not referenced in Affairs.

Though these additions to Departed did fill out the story more, some important elements from Affairs were curiously removed -- such as as the scene where the police crew and the Mafia crew are sitting in the interrogation room immediately after they have just learned that each has a mole.  As the Mafia boss and the police superintendent scan the room trying to get a clue as to who the mole might be, the scene effortlessly shifts from comical to tense all the while illustrating to the audience how faceless and destructive these moles actually are -- creating more of a sense of urgency to uncover their indentities.  Additionally, in the final scene in Affairs, the only person that knows the true identity of the undercover cop is Lau, the other mole.  This minor detail makes the circumstances that much greater for both characters during the climatic rooftop scene.  In Departed, we know that the Wahlberg character is still running around somewhere with this insider knowledge, making the desperate rooftop scene a little less...well, desperate.

Was the Scorsese, DiCaprio, Damon combo enough to make an already great movie even better? Or did it only seem Oscar-worthy because Americans hate sub-titles?

Fracture (2007) -vs- Primal Fear (1996)

Review by Lak Rana

The Smackdown.  What do these two movies have in common?  Oh, where to begin?  For starters, both Fracture and Primal Fear are high-concept legal thrillers that are helmed by the same director, Gregory Hoblit.  Both films also pit charismatic up-and-coming actors against venerable movie icons who have been acting longer than their young co-stars have been breathing on this planet.  Lastly, both movies feature a movie ending plot twist.  However, one twist will have you clapping your hands because of its beautiful artistry and the other will have you smacking your face because of its absurdity.  Read further to find out which is which...unless you're ok with smacking yourself in the face.

"I'm thinking of a number between one and... life..."

The Challenger.  In Fracture, Willy Beachum (Ryan Gosling) is a hotshot young assistant district attorney who is assigned to prosecute Ted Crawford (Anthony Hopkins), a clever aeronautical engineer, for the murder of his wife.  Through the course of the trial, Beachum lets his ego get the better of him and he almost loses the cat-and-mouse game against Crawford who-- quite rightfully-- thinks he has committed the perfect murder.  Recovery of the murder weapon and a silly legal quirk ultimately saves the day for Beachum and brings this slow, wannabe-sophisticated movie to a close.

"All I said was you had a great case even if you did it."

The Defending Champion.  Richard Gere stars as fast-talking, spotlight seeking defense attorney Martin Vail in Primal Fear. Vail is hungry to defend Aaron Stampler (Edward Norton) for the murder of the archbishop in a case that assures to garner him a lot of media coverage.  A few conspiracies and a couple of plot twists later we find that Vail has developed a heart for Stampler and actually starts to believe that he is innocent of the murder.  Unfortunately for Vail, one final plot twist at the end reveals that Stampler had been toying with him and the whole legal system all along.

The Scorecard.  Fracture feels a bit too simplistic from a plot standpoint.  The story hinges on finding the murder weapon and because of the slow pacing of the movie, that's all you find yourself concentrating on.  This pulled me out of the film very early on and the only thing that kept me somewhat involved was Anthony Hopkins' reliable Hannibal Lecter like creepiness.  I wished that I had seen a bit more emotional investment from Ryan Gosling's character, who frankly looked pale next to Hopkins' sinister Crawford.  Finally, the discovery of the missing murder weapon coupled with the bogus legal technicality was a weak payoff for a film that had a lot of potential.  Primal Fear on the other hand, featured a better dance between lead and co-lead.  Richard Gere played the power attorney Vail with ardor and Edward Norton kept right up with his endearing representation of the hapless Stampler.  Both the characters and the plot devices in this film kept me entertained. However, going back to Fracture, it does have Anthony Hopkins, something that simply cannot be overlooked when it comes to great cinema...

And the winner is...