Bryce Zabel's MOVIE SMACKDOWN!

It's A Wonderful Christmas Story Actually

With Thanksgiving behind us now, Americans are doing their part to jump-start the national economy by buying things they don't need in order to employ people they don't know and, of course, Movie Smackdown has a new Christmas poll.  Holidays are about tradition, right?  This is ours and we're sticking with it. 

Last year, we asked ten of our SmackRefs to each recommend a Christmas film that they have a special fondness for, something that can stand the test of repeat viewing.  That poll turned out to be a squeaker with an unexpected winner when traditional favorite "It's A Wonderful Life" fell narrowly to the period "A Christmas Story" with a strong third place by the relatively new "Love Actually."  Those are the finalists in this year's reader's poll.

Last year's winning vote-getter was "A Christmas Story," advocated by SmackRef Scott Baradell who picked up on the pop culture momentum of film to take the prize. It is true that the other two top films from 2007 came from SmackRefs with last names that end in, well, Zabel, (i.e. Lauren with "Love Actually" and Jonathan with "It's A Wonderful Life") but they beat out seven other critics with their picks to show.  And, by the way, yours truly picked "Home Alone" which, sadly, did not make the cut.  Three of our most prolific SmackRefs also failed to rally the voters a year ago:  Mark Sanchez liked "The Ref," Beau DeMayo favored "Polar Express," and Jay Amicarella pulled up the Polar Caboose with his pick of "A Child's Christmas in Wales."

In any case, the past is just nostalgia.  Now to get you in the holiday spirit again, we're putting those top three finishers in the ring against each other to decide, once and for all (at least until next year) who the real champion is in the "No-Humbug Zone."

After the jump, you'll read the SmackRef's statements of support for the top three vote-getting films from last years ten competitiors, followed by both the original 2007 poll and this year's 2008 poll.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Santa's 2007 Movie Smackdown!

The Smackdown. You certainly don't need to believe in Santa Claus to take inspiration from a good film that is either about the holiday or uses it as its backdrop. So here at Movie Smackdown! we've asked each of our critics to write a short blurb about a Christmas film that they have a special fondness for. Then we're going to submit those choices and others to the dreaded blog poll treatment. Which holiday film or films do you think are worth repeat viewing to get in the holiday spirit? Humbug, you say? Read on...

No, we don't think that you will likely choose "Fred Claus" as the Christmas film you'd want to recommend to your friends to see every year or even, maybe, this year. On the other hand, the breadth of Christmas films out there is wide and many have their passionate defenders and detractors. We think Movie Smackdown! is the perfect place to sort this out.

Here are the films that our critics have decided to advocate as the one Christmas movie they think you should either see for the first time or re-visit during the holidays. We have, as you'll see, a wide diversity of opinion.

By the way, if you're one of those people who simply want to vote and get it over with, you can go to the bottom of this post and you'll find the polls there.

Mr. Woodcock (2007) -vs- Bad Santa (2003)

Billy Bob's Bad Boy
Review by Mark Sanchez

The Smackdown. Many actors will tell you in order of preference working continuously tops the list, closely followed by portraying quirky, obsessed characters. Billy Bob Thornton knows how to pick 'em: Sling Blade, Monster's Ball, Bandits and Intolerable Cruelty serve up a short stack of his vivid character choices. The quirkiest may be his drunken, foul-mouthed and lascivious Willie in Bad Santa. That film like few others torpedoes your notions about Christmas. Willie is a misanthrope without peer. Bad Santa delights viewers who prefer their comedies crude and subversive, not just funny. Now, Billy Bob steps up in a new grouch comedy, Mr. Woodcock. It raises an intriguing Smackdown: Who is the funnier sourpuss -- Mr. Woodcock or Bad Santa?

"You think it's easy performing in this toupee?  Now drop and give me twenty."

The Challenger. Mr. Woodcock gives us John Farley (Seann William Scott) on tour promoting the self-help book he wrote to survive his traumatized youth. John ignores the advice of his alcoholic publicist (Amy Poehler) and accepts an offer to visit his hometown in Nebraska. Officials want to bestow the Corn Cob Key on Farley, and it gives him a chance to visit his mom, Beverly (Susan Sarandon). Of course, this won't be a smooth trip for John: Mom is dating the local Phys Ed teacher -- his tormentor, Jasper Woodcock (Billy Bob Thornton). Woodcock is a real peach: The back story shows us the sadistic glee he takes in making the kids run laps, blasting one of them with a basketball and making young Farley change into gym clothes in public. Age hasn't mellowed Woodcock: He is unfailingly rude to old folks and even rolls one off a wheel chair into the swimming pool. He treats Beverly nicely and they plan to get married. This is too much for Farley to handle, and the movie -- written by Michael Carnes and Josh Gilbert -- centers on his plot to derail the wedding with a strong dose of payback tossed in.

"Back off, Harpo. You're not dropping that into my lap."

The Defending Champion. Bad Santa lets you know within a minute Willie doesn't like his life: out of prison, twice divorced, alcoholic, a physical wreck. He doesn't like you, either. Willie hooks up with Marcus (Tony Cox) for the only "work" he performs. They dress up as Santa and Elf during the Christmas season to steal from the department stores that hire them. They succeed until their scam takes them to Phoenix. That's where the Christmas Criminals meet a boy named Thurman (Brett Kelly), Sue the bartender (Lauren Graham) and store detective Gin (Bernie Mac). The boy wants a Christmas present, Sue wants Santa and Gin wants the loot. These are the dramatic complications writers Glen Ficarra and John Requa place in the path of Willie's getaway.

The Scorecard. This material is an acquired taste, but strong supporting casts improve both movies. Mr. Woodcock rolls a long distance in the company of Academy Award winner and five-time nominee Susan Sarandon. She displays a light comic touch and common sense dignity as John Farley's widowed mother. You almost wince as her character becomes the punch line in a recurring joke in the cafe. Seann William Scott never lets John Farley lose his annoying cheeriness even as his plans for revenge go sideways. Amy Poehler and Bill Macy have small screen time but use it well.

Billy Bob Thornton is the link between the films and he's funny in both. Whether it's Jasper Woodcock or Willie you're watching a character of staggering cynicism and self-absorption. He plays this well. They're not the same character, but their effect on others is similar: They take no prisoners and they're ugly about it. Jasper remains consistent, unyielding, with a sneer that would crack marble; Thurman the kid and a beautiful bartender manage to crack Willie's hateful veneer and change him a little.

Bad Santa features effective turns from Tony Cox as Willie's crime partner; Brett Kelly is compelling and slightly creepy as that needy kid, Thurman. Together with Lauren Graham they lend a note of humanity and occasional optimism. Bernie Mac and John Ritter nicely flavor the mix.

Do you sense a stronger hand in this showdown of monsters? You should.

And the winner...

The Family Stone (2005) -vs- National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)

Review by Bryce Zabel 

I'm writing this on Christmas Eve, having gone to the local theater this afternoon to see The Family Stone and then, as is tradition, watched a Christmas movie with the family in the home theater, a film that this year was National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. I realize that in a perfect world these two films wouldn't be in a Smackdown together, but this is the way it came down and we have to play the cards the way they're dealt.

"I've got a secret. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la."

People seem to be split on The Family Stone. I know some people who absolutely hated it, and some others who found it okay, if not good. There were a bunch of things I did like about it, but mostly it pissed me off. It started with the entire concept. It's such a stacked deck. Sarah Jessica Parker's character is portrayed as such a tight ass (including the extremely pulled back hair to show those of us who don't get the point) that it seems only fair that the Stones treat her like shit. But the fact that this family could be so nasty and uncaring for someone who was important to one of their own just made me not like them, and once I stopped liking them, I wasn't rooting for a damn person in the entire film. Even Mom, who's going to die.

Last year my son brought home a girl that he's since broken up with. Maybe we didn't think she was going to turn out to be the one but damned if we didn't all try to be especially gracious and hospitable. It's Christmas for God's sake! It's just basic hospitality to try. But these people -- especially  the Rachel McAdams character -- were such assholes. I just checked out on them...

Now Christmas Vacation isn't likely to be taught in film school but Clark Griswold and his family try to embrace all their crazy family members, no matter how hard it is, and that includes the Dennis Quaid dingbat loser cousin.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Because this is the holiday where you're supposed to try a little harder to be a little nicer and people that don't try just don't seem to get it, do they? Bah Humbug on them!