Bryce Zabel's MOVIE SMACKDOWN!

Wanted (2008) -vs- Mr. and Mrs. Smith (2005)

Angie Get Your Gun

The Smackdown.  Angelina Jolie loves guns.  On top of knowing this, I have a sneaking suspicion that studios love Angelina Jolie with guns because most men do.  Who wouldn't want to see the gorgeous wife/mistress/girlfriend of Brad Pitt kick into high gear and kick ass while shaking her own?  So, while a million wives and girlfriends hold their lovers closer now that the "Wanted" DVD and Blu-ray is out, let's entertain these men's ultimate fantasy -- a movie smackdown where one Angelina Jolie with guns faces off with another Angelina Jolie with guns.  When such doppleganger femme fatales clash, who comes out on top?  When the smoke clears, will it be "Mr. and Mrs. Smith"'s Jane Smith or "Wanted"'s Fox that'll have women checking their boyfriends' internet histories to avoid becoming the next Jennifer Aniston?

The Challenger.  "Wanted" is an interesting case of comic book adaptations.  Michael Brandt and Dennis Haas adapted Mark Millar's graphic novel while MIllar was finishing the series.  The result was a screenplay that barely resembled the comic series, which focuses on a world where disgusting villains have massacred all superheroes and now move on to fighting one another. The film "Wanted" focuses on Wesley Gibbons (James McAvoy), a nerdy pushover recruited by Jolie's Fox to follow in his father's footsteps and join the Fraternity, a organization of ambiguously powered assassins who literally read the threads of fate to determine their targets.  This "Loom of Fate" allows the Fraternity to keep good and evil in check.  With Jolie's help, McAvoy must take out the man who killed his father, the notoriously ruthless Cross.  Highly flawed, Wanted is nevertheless an ultra-violent rookie film that'll thrill action buffs with its obligatory set pieces and bombastic stunts.  This movie is about action more than story; expect it and just enjoy McAvoy and Jolie tearing through bad guys in frenetic, stylized combat.

Encounters at the End of the World (2008) -vs- March of the Penguins (2005)

"Encounters at the End of the World" DVD Release - November 18

The Smackdown.  In the last few years, the documentary world has given us a couple of projects about living in Antarctica that play out against a backdrop of global warming.  "Encounters at the End of the World" and "March of the Penguins" want to be seen as important because they're being offered to us at a time when the ice caps are shrinking into less-and-less of their former selves.   At the same time, though, the filmmakers want to distract us from the education by making us feel entertained with either quirky characters or Morgan Freeman voice-over.  Americans have the biggest base down there at the South Pole -- McMurdo -- but, apparently, that's where the commitment stops:  both of these films were done, originally, by Europeans.  So, here we go:  penguins versus humans, in a frozen world that's so damn cold your spit can freeze before it even hits the ground.

The Challenger.  Director and writer Warner Herzog also narrates his film about life in Antarctica and, I have to say, listening to his accented voice-over reminds me that it was the Germans who called Antaractica "Neuschwabenland" before World War II and were reputed (in UFO circles anyway) to have repaired there after the end to build flying saucers at secret bases tunneled under the ice.  Okay, you've been warned.  If Herzog has another agenda, you heard it here first...

The film he's made is great example of the idea that you can go to the literal ends of the Earth to get away from it all, and still be where you started.  People are still people, and they need to connect as much as ever.  I probably know as much about life in the US Antarctica base at McMurdo as any living human can without actually having lived there.  A few years ago, I wrote a TV series pilot for DreamWorks TV called, yes, "McMurdo" and read books, websites and talked to all manner of iceheads.

Hancock (2008) -vs- Superman: The Movie (1978)

Editor’s Note:  With this review, we welcome our first “international” SmackRef, Rodney Twelftree from Australia.  He’s got his own movie blog there, Fernby Films.  Anyway, we welcome his new voice to our mix and hope this is the first of many.  To all our new Australian readers who come aboard as a result, welcome to the Smack!

The Smackdown.  You'd be forgiven for thinking that Hollywood has forgotten how to make anything but superhero movies.  They come out as regularly as the comic books that spawned them once did for adolescent boys with ten cents burning a hole in their pockets.   The one that got it all started, of course, was "Superman: The Movie" -- starring Christopher Reeve.  Based on staying power, Superman is probably the greatest comic hero of all time and 1978's film version "Superman: The Movie" has become the gold standard in comic-to-film translations.  In the Richard Donner-directed film, the title character soared to new heights with state of the art effects (for the day), enormous budget, and a cavalcade of talent both in front of, and behind, the camera.  Its successful formula inspired so much competition that even the franchise re-boot, "Superman Returns," had trouble standing out from the pack when it came out.  So, it was inevitable that an anti-hero version would be made, as a way to cut through the superhero signal-to-noise ratio.  Enter a movie star super man to take on the challenge -- Will Smith.  He flies high (and low!) in the Peter Berg-directed flick, "Hancock."  Apparently, it's not easy being super, and Will suffers through his enormous power beset by alcoholism and depression.  Is "Superman: The Movie" dated and old and open to being kicked around by "Hancock" or is the man in tights still The Man?  Let's see if Will Smith can overcome the giant legacy of Christopher Reeve. 

The Challenger. Imagine if you took a hero like Superman, gave him a drinking problem, and the attitude of a Tarantino film. Essentially, that's "Hancock". Boozy, lazy, self indulgent and often, just plain rude, Hancock is the kind of superhero you definitely do not want coming to save you from a burning skyscraper. Problematic rescues involving massive property damage have tarnished his reputation as a decent hero, and instead, the city of Los Angeles is seeking reparations for the damage he has caused in apprehending criminals or saving people. Yep, Hancock's all about angst, an angry god-like man beset with the emotional growth of a pineapple. Throw in a young, not-quite-successful public relations guru in Ray (Jason Bateman), and the sparks will surely fly. Especially when Hancock gets his eyes around Ray's wife, played with toothy relish by Charlize Theron: you just know it's gonna get messy.

Tropic Thunder (2008) -vs- Galaxy Quest (1999)

"Tropic Thunder" DVD Release - November 18

The Smackdown. Movies are already an illusion -- stories committed to film that feel real but, at best, are only an impression of reality.  With this Smackdown! we have a couple of competitors about real people playing characters in unreal film and TV projects who end up being taken as authentic by people who can, basically, kill them, and so they have to suck it up and act like the heroes they pretend to be. In both "Tropic Thunder" and "Galaxy Quest" (both from DreamWorks), things are not what they seem.  Could Ben Stiller actually fight his way out of a paper bag any more than Tim Allen could save the universe from world-destroying aliens?  Roll film...

The Challenger. You're shopping for something to watch, perhaps a comedy to flavor the mix of summer movies. You need something to cleanse the memory of "The Love Guru" and Eddie Murphy's latest misfire. Going back for another dose of "Hancock" won't do, and neither will another road trip with Harold and Kumar. Maybe try out a comedy that spoofs better than "Get Smart" and comes with a load of pre-release buzz: "Tropic Thunder." It's the latest from writer / actor / director Ben Stiller and will not escape some controversy for having Robert Downey, Jr. appear in black face.

Wall-E (2008) -vs- Toy Story (1995)

"Wall-E" DVD Release - November 18

The Smackdown.  "Wall-E" -- the last masterpiece to roll off the Pixar assembly line -- is out as a DVD/Blu-ray.  Remember when you first heard about this two-hour-long space-opera with barely any dialogue about robots who sift through garbage?  Who knew that it could one day step in the ring against the champion and have a real shot at victory?

So our Smackdown pits Pixar's lastest advancement in computer-animated awesomeness against the grand-daddy of them all, the first authentic feature-length computer-animated film ever, "Toy Story."  We all know the deal there -- toys come to life.  Done.  We're hooked. And ever since the film's first screening, we've been running out of our front doors shouting "To Infinity and Beyond!" as we left for work each morning.  So let's pit one set of talking inanimate objects against another set of sort-of-talking inanimate objects.  Let the best merchandise win!

The Challenger.  Way, way back, back before "Toy Story" was produced and Pixar was the animated behemoth that it is today, Andrew Stanton created Wall-E. A small, "short-circuit"-styled robot (whose name is actually an acronym for the phrase "Waste Allocation Load Lifter Earth-Class") Wall-E is the last of a line of robots left on Earth to clean up the mess we've made. Due to years of gorging consumerism, the planet has been left a giant trash-heap, too littered to possibly sustain life. In a grand gesture of social responsibility, the mega-conglomerate Buy 'N Large Corporation has encouraged humanity to take a 5 year "vacation" away from the planet, allowing their robots stay behind and restore Earth to a livable state while we all relax pool-side. Unfortunately, things didn't go as planned.