Bryce Zabel's MOVIE SMACKDOWN!

Hancock (2008) -vs- Superman: The Movie (1978)

Editor’s Note:  With this review, we welcome our first “international” SmackRef, Rodney Twelftree from Australia.  He’s got his own movie blog there, Fernby Films.  Anyway, we welcome his new voice to our mix and hope this is the first of many.  To all our new Australian readers who come aboard as a result, welcome to the Smack!

The Smackdown.  You'd be forgiven for thinking that Hollywood has forgotten how to make anything but superhero movies.  They come out as regularly as the comic books that spawned them once did for adolescent boys with ten cents burning a hole in their pockets.   The one that got it all started, of course, was "Superman: The Movie" -- starring Christopher Reeve.  Based on staying power, Superman is probably the greatest comic hero of all time and 1978's film version "Superman: The Movie" has become the gold standard in comic-to-film translations.  In the Richard Donner-directed film, the title character soared to new heights with state of the art effects (for the day), enormous budget, and a cavalcade of talent both in front of, and behind, the camera.  Its successful formula inspired so much competition that even the franchise re-boot, "Superman Returns," had trouble standing out from the pack when it came out.  So, it was inevitable that an anti-hero version would be made, as a way to cut through the superhero signal-to-noise ratio.  Enter a movie star super man to take on the challenge -- Will Smith.  He flies high (and low!) in the Peter Berg-directed flick, "Hancock."  Apparently, it's not easy being super, and Will suffers through his enormous power beset by alcoholism and depression.  Is "Superman: The Movie" dated and old and open to being kicked around by "Hancock" or is the man in tights still The Man?  Let's see if Will Smith can overcome the giant legacy of Christopher Reeve. 

The Challenger. Imagine if you took a hero like Superman, gave him a drinking problem, and the attitude of a Tarantino film. Essentially, that's "Hancock". Boozy, lazy, self indulgent and often, just plain rude, Hancock is the kind of superhero you definitely do not want coming to save you from a burning skyscraper. Problematic rescues involving massive property damage have tarnished his reputation as a decent hero, and instead, the city of Los Angeles is seeking reparations for the damage he has caused in apprehending criminals or saving people. Yep, Hancock's all about angst, an angry god-like man beset with the emotional growth of a pineapple. Throw in a young, not-quite-successful public relations guru in Ray (Jason Bateman), and the sparks will surely fly. Especially when Hancock gets his eyes around Ray's wife, played with toothy relish by Charlize Theron: you just know it's gonna get messy.

Hellboy II (2008) -vs- Hancock (2008)

Editor's Note:  November 11 marks the release of "Hellboy II" on DVD and Blu-ray, including a special three disc edition.

The Smackdown.  It really is the height of narcissism.  Give a guy powers and abilities beyond those of mortal men and he can still manage to cop a bad attitude.  And while neither Hulk nor Iron Man can really be accused of harboring sunny dispositions, the leading men of 'tude in the summer of 2008 were a couple of anti-heroes on the extreme grouchy side:  Hellboy and Hancock.  Which one of these charm school drop-outs made bad look good?  That's the Smack and, believe me, this battle is not for the thin-skinned. 

The Challenger. Into the ring strides "Hellboy II: The Golden Army" with Ron Perlman reprising his devilish character from the Dark Horse comic. The original (like the sequel) directed and co-written by Guillermo Del Toro is a fish out of water story, and so is "Hellboy II."  A superhero's work is never done and Hellboy feels unappreciated. Maybe that's why he a little touchy. He's readily spotted on the street and can't catch a break. Most folks openly question Hellboy's motives. The main story in "Hellboy II" comes into play because a prince of the underworld (Nuada, Luke Goss) wants to take over topside. He unleashes a hungry batch of tooth fairies while stealing a portion of a golden crown. The full crown will allow the wearer to activate an army of mechanical warriors. There are complications: Abe the Fishman has a thing for the villain's sister, Princess Nuala (Anna Walton); the irritating Tom Manning (Jeffery Tambor) has a new cohort in Johann Kraus at the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense; Hellboy is having relationship problems with his combustible girlfriend, Liz Sherman (Selma Blair). All these elements come together to prove several points: Saving the earth is messy; those creatures you saw in your dreams are real, and the road to love (the inter-species type) is never smooth.

The Incredible Hulk (2008) -vs- Hulk (2003)

The Smackdown.  HULK SMASH!  I'm sorry, but I had to; it's just such a funny, quirky comic book phrase.  It's not often you get a Smackdown as clean as this one either where a project has been re-cast, re-conceived and the first director has been sent packing.  When you consider that The Incredible Hulk is the franchise follow-up to Ang Lee's 2003 Hulk, you have to take into mind that it's the new Marvel Studios steering the cinematic wheel.  Its recent Iron Man proved a ridiculously profitable and critical hit but, quite frankly, I shuddered at the thought of a second motion picture tackling this heroic green figure after the first installment created such a controversial cinematic history (gamma Hulk poodles anyone?).  I can see the halls of Marvel Studios one or two weeks ago, brimming with newly starched suits and promiscuous congratulations over Iron Man's $530 million plus heist.  Now, a bunch of execs sit around a table -- bleary-eyed, ties loose, coffee cups empty, cell phones nearby -- hoping their new Hulk shares more than the color green with a one dollar bill.   So while those overpaid studio execs worry over that, let's have a Hulk-sized SMACKDOWN between Ang Lee's Hulk and Louis Leterrier's The Incredible Hulk.  May the best conflicted angst-ridden monster win.

The Challenger.  The Hulk returns rebooted under the directorial guidance of Transporter director Louis Leterrier off a script originally penned by Zak Penn and rewritten by Edward Norton.  In The Incredible Hulk, Norton plays Stan Lee's classic Bruce Banner, a simple scientist whose brilliance leads to a tragic lab accident.  Now a fugitive from a military general who wishes to make him a weapon, Banner longs for a cure to his monstrous alter-ego and the forced isolation it demands.  Like Stan Lee's original Hulk, The Incredible Hulk focuses on Banner's struggle to contain this monstrous Neanderthal lurking inside him.  In fact, it's the film's petrol, blasting through Bourne-style chase scenes and WWF-style mutant throwdowns.  But like the green beast himself, Letterrier's film loses a bit of its humanity when it goes "Hulk."  Coupled with somewhat awkward pacing, the film may leave audiences like Bruce Banner after a "hulk-out": scratching your head asking where the hell am I and what the hell just happened?  Comparing the shooting script to the finished film, there are a plethora of scenes missing -- mostly character-oriented -- that would've better balanced the film.  Banner's therapy session with his lover's new boyfriend and Banner's attempted suicide are among them.  On top of this, some of the dialogue -- no matter how good the actor, or how green -- just can't be pulled off.

World's Finest Smackdown: The Big Men of DC Comics

EDITOR'S NOTE:  With this Smackdown first posted in May 2008, we begin a series of "Classic Smack" reviews that deal with super-heroes from comic book origins.  There's a poll at the end of the review where you can vote for your favorite film that launched or re-launched a single-character comic-based super-hero franchise.  Express yourself!

Superman Returns (2006) -vs- Batman Begins (2005)

The Smackdown.  Before going with the solo projects "Superman Returns" and "Batman Begins," Warner Bros. teased fans for years with the idea of a "Batman Versus Superman" film.  It's a fanboy dream, of course, to see DC's two most iconic characters in the same movie.  Since it's not going to happen (at least in the immediate future), Smackdown puts the recent reboots into the ring.  Both of these superheroes had rather shameful pre-21st Century franchise histories and great care needed to be taken with their re-imaginings.  "Batman Begins" clearly believes that the path to success is its ability to shine a light (Bat-Signal?) on a new tone while "Superman Returns" obviously believes the fastest way (speeding bullet?) is to get back to what worked before and get that right.

The Challenger. Superman Returns blasted onto movie screens with more of a whimper than a bang, presenting a soft, character-driven story about a god-like alien's search to find his messianic place on Earth and an old foe's attempt to exploit the hero's alien heritage.  Under Bryan Singer, fresh off his success with the first two X-Men films, Superman returns to Earth after five years of searching for his destroyed homeworld to find an engaged Lois Lane with child and his old nemesis, Lex Luthor, scheming to recreate Krypton on Earth.  Although having a plane rescue that is arguably one of the best shot, scored, and realized action sequences in superhero history, Superman Returns seems more comfortable in the tense silences between its characters as they struggle to find one another in this somewhat overly long movie.

Superheroes, Spies, Sci-Fi and Other Tasty Summer Smacks!

Seems like summer is the time for super-hero sequels.  That was true last summer, of course, but this summer has shown that when they work, they really work!

Spring fizzled with the often-dismissed fourth "Indiana Jones" film but then sizzled with the outstanding "Iron Man" franchise starter.

Now, of course, we're in the middle of "Dark Knight" mania.  We know that here at Movie Smackdown on a DNA-level because so far the film has sparked four of our critics to Smack it up against different films.

Hulk, Hellboy & Hancock.  Plus, Iron Man & Batman.  Indiana Jones and even Wesley Gibbons.  What a summer!  Throw in Zohan and Maxwell Smart for "comic relief"...

In case you've missed some of these great fights with these outsized characters and ideas, here they are in one list because, well, we just care:

• The Dark Knight (2008) -vs- Batman Begins (2005)
• The Dark Knight (2008) -vs- Spider-Man 2 (2004) [* poll included]
• The Dark Knight (2008) -vs- Batman (1989) [* poll included]
• Hancock (2008) -vs- I Am Legend (2007)
• Hellboy II (2008) -vs- Hancock (2008) [* poll included]
• Iron Man (2008) -vs- Batman Begins (2005)
• The Incredible Hulk (2008) -vs- Hulk (2003)
• Wanted (2008) -vs- Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005)
• Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008) -vs- Live Free or Die Hard (2007)
• Wall-E (2008) -vs- Toy Story (1995)
• The Happening (2008) -vs- The Sixth Sense (1999)
• You Don't Mess with the Zohan (2008) -vs- Semi-Pro (2008)
• Get Smart (2008) -vs- The Nude Bomb (1980)
• Get Smart (2008) -vs- Johnny English (2003)

Check 'em out. Sometimes, especially in the cases of the, shall we say, "less inspiring" films, our reviews are more fun than the trip to the theater.  Several of them have polls going if you're the "poll-type."  And, in any case, feel free to leave comments and let us know how you see things!

Also, don't forget to check out our new all-pictures and all-captions site: Movie Smackdown Comix!

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