Bryce Zabel's MOVIE SMACKDOWN!

Away We Go (2009) -vs- Juno (2007)

THE SMACKDOWN. Did you ever have to make up your mind? Both "Away We Go" and "Juno" are about those decisions that come from life that can't be fudged, postponed or ignored. Even though both films involve pregnant leads who aren't married to the fathers of their unborn, there's more here than childbirth.  Each film lets us see a big life question presented in a way that shows there isn't always a "right" answer. Sometimes life forces us to choose. To pick up on one and leave the other behind. Well, we have to choose now, too. Should we go with the the couple of thirtysomethings who have to decide where to make their stand with a new baby; or the teenage girl who has a "go-no go" decision to make about a baby of her own and the boyfriend who's in way over his head?

THE CHALLENGER. "Away We Go" comes from the same director who gave us "American Beauty," Sam Mendes. The common thread in his work between these two films is the sharply drawn characters he finds living in an America he doesn't seem to like all that much. Written by the married couple of Dave Eggers and Vendela Vida, it tells the story of Burt and Verona -- who aren't married and are muddling through their lives knowing the clock is ticking, not biologically, but socially. Depending on who you talk to they're either nice or narcissistic, but either way they feel like their peers are getting along better than they are, they know something's wrong and they still haven't quite grasped what to do about it. When Burt's parents (Verona's are deceased) announce that they are moving to Belgium and, thus, won't be around to see their grandchild born, the young couple decides to hit the road, looking for a place that will have the right vibe to start their family (and, hopefully, their new & improved lives). Then it's planes, trains and automobiles as the story bounces from Arizona to Wisconsin to Florida and finally lands in what, for them, is supposed to be the land of Hope. Along the journey, they run into a lot of parenting advice and all kinds of disappointing people.

Superbad (2007) -vs- American Pie (1999)

The Smackdown. Can you believe that it's been ten years since the release of "American Pie"? July 9 marks a full decade since Eugene Levy caught his son Jim doing, well, unspeakable things to innocent baked fruit. I remember thinking that it was a great comedy if only I could keep my teenage boys from ever seeing the film. At the time, back in '99 when Clinton was riding out a rocky ending based on having oral sex in the Oval Office, it seemed kind of quaint to see the President of the United States getting impeached for doing something the kids in "American Pie" thought wasn't even real sex. Their theme was "All the Way by Graduation Day." Ah, nostalgia...

"American Pie" re-defined a genre and paved the way for "Superbad" to do it again eight years later in 2007. Both "American Pie" and "Superbad" remind us that you're never too old to relive the total humiliation of your teenage years, nor to remember (if you're a guy) just how much you wanted to get in the Club and to realize it might just be out of reach. 

Both of these raunchy films (with the now obligatory "heart") give us groups of horny high school guys who would really like to have shed their virginity so they can truly relax and enjoy graduation, knowing that they will not have to spend the rest of their lives lying about what they did and did not do by the end of that fateful senior year. They know, apparently, that a diploma for merely passing classes is so not what it's about. Both of these films -- released eight years apart -- hit the gold with audiences of all ages and theaters during both releases were filled with actual screams of laughter. This ain't gonna be easy...but let's get started with the challenger...

The Challenger. By the time "Superbad" came out, the option of somehow keeping my kids from seeing it had pretty much expired so I threw in the towel and went with my teenager. We'd just returned from a family vacation, jet-lagged as all hell but, as it turns out, this film was so entertaining and outrageous that the last thing you will ever do while watching it is go to sleep. As written by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg (who named the two leads after themselves), the film starts with dick-jokes and similar raunch and never stops but, the thing is, the dialogue all feels very fluid and confident, even if underneath it all, it's also just a little sad. The point is, most reviews will now tell you, it's really not about the sex-jokes, it's about the friendship between Seth (Jonah Hill) and Evan (Michael Cera). Well, yeah, and the sex-jokes. A third-wheel friend, Fogell, played by new kid Christopher Mintz-Plasse pretty much steals the show and the moniker "McLovin" has probably forever entered the nation's vocabulary. These Three Musketeers have two goals for the evening of the last night of high school: first, supply booze to a party being thrown by a popular girl so they can achieve, second, some kind of sexual experience, no matter how messy and potentially humiliating.

The Proposal (2009) -vs- Green Card (1990)

The Smackdown. Immigration Law Romantic Comedy makes up a very exclusive subset of the chickflick genre, and there’s a new kid on the block. Great White (North) Hope Sandra Bullock’s “The Proposal” arrives with heavyweight credentials and high expectations for box office punch.  A Canadian über-bitch book editor threatened with deportation strong-arms her assistant into an arranged engagement; complications and frolics ensue. Almost two decades ago, Peter Weir constructed his own little Valentine to New York City and unlikely romance when a Frenchman’s marriage of convenience and “Green Card” is threatened by an official immigration investigation. These immigrants are adorable, and they want to stay forever. Which begs the question: If no American falls in love with an illegal immigrant, does a tree fall in the woods? Or something like that.

The Challenger. In “The Proposal,” dancer turned choreographer turned director Anne “27 Dresses” Fletcher doesn’t miss  a romcom convention trick here; any over-initiated romcom afficianado can count them off as they accumulate like smashed bugs on the roadtrip windshield. The awkward set-up, the unconvincing animosity, the charged first kiss, the forced sharing of sleeping quarters, the omnipresent and insipid old girlfriend, accidentally seeing each other naked, the makeover, the tragically wrong choice of shoes, the requisite dirty old lady, the perverted foreigner, the overly aggressive pet, the rescue, the aborted wedding, the multi-vehicle chase, the proposal/declaration of love before co-workers/family. Check. Check. Check please.

Up (2009) -vs- Wall-E (2008)

The Smackdown.  A year ago on this very site, a small, garbage-collecting robot named "Wall-E" dethroned the king of computer animation, Pixar's beloved "Toy Story." The film found gigantic success, being hailed by critics, winning the Academy Award for best animated feature and receiving a nomination for Best Screenplay. "Wall-E" transformed the genre and pushed the limits of innovation and creativity.  Now, a year after its historical upset, "Wall-E" stands ready to defend its title against the newest of Pixar's animated giants, the high-flying adventure story "Up." Headlining opening night of the Cannes Film Festival, a feat never before accomplished by an animated feature (let alone an American one,) "Up" and its cast of elderly men, children and talking dogs (you heard me) have entered the world of cinema at full steam, their focus fixed solely on taking our favorite robot's crown. Will "Wall-E" have enough strength to put down its first challenger, or will his reign prove a short one? Let's find out!

The Challenger.  "Up" tells the story of Carl Fredricksen, an elderly balloon vendor who once dreamt of adventure with his wife Ellie, but now resigns himself to sitting on his front porch while the world moves on around him. In order to keep a promise he had made to his Ellie a lifetime ago, Carl decides to leave the world behind and relocate their home to the mythical Paradise Falls in Venezuela, the last known origins of Carl and Ellie's childhood hero, adventurer Charles Muntz. His plan - to lift their home out if its foundation by thousands of colorful balloons and sail through the heavens to his Paradise Falls. However, what Carl doesn't plan for is to accidentally take Russell, an energetic young boy scout, with him on his adventure. Nor does he plan to be thrown into the middle of a battle for a mysterious giant bird known as "Kevin," a conflict that has the potential to jeopardize his promise to Ellie.

The Hangover (2009) -vs- My Life In Ruins (2009)

The Smackdown. It’s a battle of the sexes for the ages. The balls-out edgy Men-Will-Be-Boys comedy takes on the watching-paint-dry-by-numbers My Not So Fat Any More Greek Tour Guide. Hardly a fair fight, there’s no intersection in the Venn diagram of viewers who might enjoy both outings.   One’s ostensibly for the ladies -- and by ladies I mean strictly Red Hat Society folks, the ones who talk in the theaters non-stop, moviegoers surprised by plot turns telegraphed so clearly that you wonder how these clueless souls found their way to the theater without assistance. “The Hangover” aims for a demographic blessed with a lowbrow sense of humor and no sense of decorum. It’s Dumb versus Dumber. Chicks versus Dudes. Old versus Young. Grab yourself a Jaegermeister or a giant bottle of Ouzo. You’re gonna need to get a little liquored up to make it through this double feature.

In This Corner. Imagine “Mamma Mia” without ABBA. Nia Vardalos plays a second rate tour guide in Greece surrounded by a bunch of hopelessly corny tourists and stereotypical locals. If touring Greece by bus is something you might consider actually doing at some point in your life, you might enjoy watching “My Life In Ruins.” I’ll just sit over there in the corner, doing just about anything else in the world if you don’t mind. But, as they say, those who like this sort of thing will likely like it. (Send your parents.)