Bryce Zabel's MOVIE SMACKDOWN!

Swing Vote (2008) -vs- Paper Moon (1973)

"Swing Vote" REAL Election Edition

Editor's Note: After reading Bob Nowotny's review, watching this film just got by me and I didn't catch it until a plane flight yesterday back from London.  What with the election only a few hours away at that point, it had quite an impact.  Man, do I hope Barack Obama gets a clean win tonight so we don't have to go through the fictional nightmare depicted here or real-life 2000 version again.  I doubt this film is going to have a long-term impact and will not be widely watched once real-life moves on with an elected winner.  But I enjoyed Bob's review and the subsequent viewing because of how he doesn't make this about politcs but the relationships between father and daughter.  And, of course, "Paper Moon" is about the Great Depression, something else on our minds these days, yes?  So, here we go again...

The Smackdown.  Ever noticed how precocious preadolescent girls in films are always decidely smarter, more ambitious and more mature than their underachieving dads?  Movies love to tell us kids have the wisdom that adults lack.  Well, maybe a few kids should have told their parentals who are executives at Touchstone that it's risky opening a film that features a father-daughter relationship in the middle of the summer when superheroes, mummies and teen comedies generally rule the box office.  Still, it'll be interesting to see if "Swing Vote" can hold its own against such formidable box office competition -- time will tell.  A question we can answer right away, though, is whether this new Kevin Costner flick holds its own to what many consider to be a classic of this particular sub-genre -- "Paper Moon."  Can Costner get the votes he needs, or will Ryan and Tatum O'Neal con their way to a win? 

The Challenger. In "Swing Vote," Kevin Costner stars as Bud Johnson, a simple guy who pretty much coasts through life with virtually no ambition or sense of responsibility.  After all, what else would you expect from an egg processing plant worker who loses his job to "insourcing?"  Unemployed, unmotivated and uninformed, there are three things Bud does love  -- the King of Beer, the King of Nascar and his precocious, over-achieving twelve-year-old daughter, Molly. Costner teams with young Madeline Carroll in this Capraesque tale of the importance of everyman's vote.  Ms. Carroll is exceptional in her role, and the star-studded supporting cast all contribute to an engaging, timely, thought-provoking film.  Credit must go to writers Joshua Michael Stern (who also directed) and Jason Richman for a screenplay that is better than one might expect, although it requires a serious suspension of disbelief on several occasions. Propelled by the Marshall Tucker Band's driving beat of "Can't You See," the amusing, improbable chain of events which culminates in a presidential election coming down to one single vote in a little two-bit town on Route 66 succeeds in entertaining the electorate.

Swing Vote (2008) -vs- Paper Moon (1973)

When Father Doesn't Know Best

The Smackdown.  Ever noticed how precocious preadolescent girls in films are always decidely smarter, more ambitious and more mature than their underachieving dads?  Movies love to tell us kids have the wisdom that adults lack.  Well, maybe a few kids should have told their parentals who are executives at Touchstone that it's risky opening a film that features a father-daughter relationship in the middle of the summer when superheroes, mummies and teen comedies generally rule the box office.  Still, it'll be interesting to see if "Swing Vote" can hold its own against such formidable box office competition -- time will tell.  A question we can answer right away, though, is whether this new Kevin Costner flick holds its own to what many consider to be a classic of this particular sub-genre -- "Paper Moon."  Can Costner get the votes he needs, or will Ryan and Tatum O'Neal con their way to a win? 

The Challenger. In "Swing Vote," Kevin Costner stars as Bud Johnson, a simple guy who pretty much coasts through life with virtually no ambition or sense of responsibility.  After all, what else would you expect from an egg processing plant worker who loses his job to "insourcing?"  Unemployed, unmotivated and uninformed, there are three things Bud does love  -- the King of Beer, the King of Nascar and his precocious, over-achieving twelve-year-old daughter, Molly. Costner teams with young Madeline Carroll in this Capraesque tale of the importance of everyman's vote.  Ms. Carroll is exceptional in her role, and the star-studded supporting cast all contribute to an engaging, timely, thought-provoking film.  Credit must go to writers Joshua Michael Stern (who also directed) and Jason Richman for a screenplay that is better than one might expect, although it requires a serious suspension of disbelief on several occasions. Propelled by the Marshall Tucker Band's driving beat of "Can't You See," the amusing, improbable chain of events which culminates in a presidential election coming down to one single vote in a little two-bit town on Route 66 succeeds in entertaining the electorate.

Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed (2008) - vs- The Passion of the Christ (2004)

The Passion of the Critic or the Critic of the Passion?

The Smackdown. A few years ago, as the story has been passed down to believers, a great prophet named Gibson  proved that religion was not poison at the box office.  Gibson begat Stein who walked in the sandals of Moore into the desert determined to prove that Gibson's Law would apply to Documentaries.  Half-baked metaphors aside, clearly the King of all (movie) Kings is Mel Gibson's "The Passion Of The Christ."  While this enormously successful film was as much a cultural and theological phenomena as a cinematic one, there's no question it struck a responsive chord with millions of Christians worldwide.  Now, four years later, there is another movie that has deep religious undertones and a swirl of controversy surrounding it -- Ben Stein's "Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed."  Can prophet Stein match prophet Gibson when it comes to turning the Meek loose on the Earth?  Will "Intelligence" trump "Passion?" 

The Challenger. This movie follows Ben Stein as he seeks to determine whether religious-based Intelligent Design is a pseudo-science trying to undermine evolutionary biology or whether it is legitimate science being suppressed by a scientific establishment that is hostile to any deviation from the status quo.  Good question, but as they say in Hollywood, it's all about the execution.  Stein is a former White House speechwriter under the Nixon Administration, probably better known for his droll wit on "Win Ben Stein's Money."  First-time director, Nathan Frankowski, works with two neophyte screenwriters with only one previous credit between them, Kevin Miller and Walt Rulof, and, of course, Stein as the religious right Michael Moore.  Maybe the film should have been called, "No Experience Allowed."  Anyway, there are a few head-scratchers in this film, probably topped out by the time Stein and his camera crew visit Hitler's concentration camps and ill-advisedly correlate Darwinism to Fascism and Nazi Germany.  As long as I'm giving advice on film marketing, maybe they could try "Stein Kampf" for the DVD release.  Give him credit, he certainly doesn't pull any punches when it comes to being vitriolic -- even the most stalwart Bible-belt Baptist may find this analogy harder to swallow than Jonah.

The Defending Champion.  Remember the old Spaghetti Westerns of the 1960s?  Mel Gibson certainly does, based on this religious opus which could have been titled "A Fistful of Floggings."  (Note to Distributors: My re-titling services are available at a reasonable fee.)  As the lead, James Caviezel certainly has the right physical look and the emotional intensity to take on a seemingly never-ending series of horrific flailings and beatings.  This is a hard film to watch, seeing anybody (but especially Jesus) endure this kind of on-screen cruelty.  Still, there is no dispute that it made "The Passion Of The Christ" a powerful movie-going experience for millions and millions worldwide.  This, despite a screenplay by Benedict Fitzgerald and Mel Gibson himself that arguably has no plot, no plot points and no character arcs.  As a result, there's not all that much you can hang your shroud on.  Still, there's no denying that "Passion" succeeded despite a bevy of filmmaking flaws -- sometimes such details as cheesy sets, a cartoon-like moon in the opening scene (think a Basil Rathbone film) and Jesus sporting a silver filling on his right molar simply don't matter.  Talk about a "miracle."

The Scorecard.  When it comes to commercial success and box office results, the scorecard is not yet determined, although betting on Mr. Ed to win the Kentucky Derby would have better odds than to believe "Expelled" will come anywhere close to approaching the numbers run up by "Passion."  Both films, at least in this reviewer's opinion, are flawed due to a wide variety of production issues that, quite frankly, are more than appalling.

Having said this, Herr Stein has certainly been beyond bold in presenting his case on behalf of Intelligent Design.  In addition, his film has a far more complex subject matter so he deserves extra consideration.

The climax of "Expelled," for example, features Stein going head-to-head with Richard Dawkins, a renowned atheist and author. It really doesn't matter which side you're on, both of these guys are undeniably intelligent, and it raises issues.  By the way, this film doesn't spend that much time focused on the details of the debate between evolutionists and creationists.  Instead it really focuses on it key thesis that the debate itself and its proponents have been ignored or pushed out of classrooms and academia.  In a country that still believes in the First Amendment, this is at least something worth thinking about, even if you think the other side has their head in an anatomically incorrect place.

The Bucket List (2007) -vs- Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)

Adventures in Black-and-White
Review by Bob Nowotny

The Smackdown. Both the hotly-promoted "The Bucket List" and the below-the-radar "Bubba Ho-Tep" feature a pair of geriatric geezers (one white, one black) undertaking adventure in the twilight of their lives in a search to give meaning to what went before. Both films are entertaining, but can the big budget, major studio offering with an "A List" cast and a big name director trump a small, independently-made gem based on a Bram Stoker Award nominated short story? Can Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman best Bruce Campbell and Ossie Davis? Is gallimaufry globetrotting more poignant than fighting giant roaches in Nacogdoches? Will the Hollywood-based screenwriter from NYU's film school hold his own against the Mojo Storyteller from the Big Thicket in East Texas? In short, will "The Bucket List" command as fervent and as loyal a following as "Bubba Ho-Tep?" Will the questions ever stop...

The Challenger. "The Bucket List" stars two of the biggest, most well-respected actors of our time. Nicholson plays Edward Cole, an enormously wealthy, crotchety cancer patient whose hospital roommate is Carter Chambers (portrayed by Freeman), a middle-class auto mechanic with a big family, a longtime marriage and a penchant for "Jeopardy." He, too, has only six or so months to live. Together they concoct a list of things to do before "they kick the bucket," and thanks to Cole's financial capability the sky's the limit, literally, as they jet their way to the French Riviera, the Serengeti, the Pyramids, the Taj Mahal, the great Wall of China and on to Tibet. AARP would be proud. Yes, it's a wonderful, albeit, brief life they live, to the fullest, with a lesson or two being learned along the way. There's no question that Screenwriter Justin Zackham pitched a terrific premise for Rob Reiner to direct. And Nicholson and Freeman undoubtedly make the most talented "odd couple" ever. Clearly "The Bucket List" seems to have everything in place to make it a box office hit.

The Defending Champion. "Bubba Ho-Tep" opens with three sentences of voice-over that rank among the most outrageous, audacious and bodacious lines in the history of American cinema. And that's just the beginning of a wildly imaginative tale concocted by Joe R. Lansdale and adapated to the screen by writer/director Don Coscarelli that proposes Elvis Presley is now a 68 year old resident of an East Texas nursing home. Of course, no believes that he is the real deal despite the remarkable resemblance (portrayed brilliantly by Bruce Campbell) and his unrelenting insistence that he swapped lives with an Elvis impersonator so he could escape the hassles of unprecedented fame. I said no one believes him; that's not entirely true. One old codger (played by the late, great Ossie Davis) does accept Elvis' story as true. Then again, this man believes he's none other than John Fitzgerald Kennedy and his now-black skin is the just another example of the Johnson Administration's evil ingenuity. What a pair -- and so the stage is set for the King of Rock and Roll and the King of Camelot to undertake the greatest challenge of their lives. You see, residents of this nondescript convalescent center are dying at an alarming rate and the culprit isn't Old Man Time. Rather, it is a soul-sucking Egyptian mummy who just happens to be in the area thanks to a nearby highway accident. And while the mummified soul sucker's roaches are no match for a swift bedpan, he's the real deal as two full body burns will attest.

The Scorecard. Surprisingly, "The Bucket List" borders on being a Hope-Crosby "Road" picture replete with some rather cheesy stock footage backgrounds reminiscent of "The Road to Zanzibar." Despite various technical glitches, Nicholson and Freeman do an admirable job of keeping the viewer entertained in what could have been called "The Road to Cremation." That's star power...but it is star power engulfed in a black hole thanks to the disappointing screenplay by Justin Zackham. Purportedly written in a mere two weeks, it is readily apparent that, despite the best of intentions, Zackham needed not only more time, but more inspiration and another Big Chief Notebook Tablet or two. On the other hand, "Bubba Ho-Tep" works on every level -- it is touching, it is convincingly acted, it is extremely entertaining, it is thought provoking and it succeeds because it treats its outrageous premise with total sincerity. Let me emphasize that it is also very well written.

The Mist (2007) - vs- The Fog (1980)

Review by Bob Nowotny

The Smackdown.  Don't underestimate the impact of a little cloud coming over the horizon -- and I don't mean the mushroom variety.  You see, some types of ground-hugging hazy vapors possess evil things which brutally attack isolated villages and wreak more havoc than this year's BCS situation.  I know, I've seen several films dealing with this concept and they make me think twice about venturing out when the sun ain't shining.  Written by John Carpenter and Debra Hill, "The Fog" is a terrific example and may very well be the gold standard of this sub-genre. We now welcome John Darabont's "The Mist," based on a novella by none other than Stephen King.  Two heavyweight directors tackle the same basic precipitation premise.  Is "Mist" simply "Fog Lite," or does it weather the storm of this writer's criticism?

"Dude, when you said 'the bloody fog's rolling in,' man, I thought you were British or something."

The Challenger.  In the opening scenes of "The Mist" a violent storm passes through a small village in Maine (with Stephen King where else would it be?).  As the townsfolk begin to clean up and attempt to make repairs, an approaching cloud of mist appears and slowly engulfs the entire community.  Those inside the Food House supermarket are soon warned that "There is something in the mist!" by a frightened neighbor who seeks refuge inside.  Actually, there are a lot of things in the mist including intestine-devouring creepy crawlers, killer spiders who can shoot their poisonous webs farther than you can spit a watermelon seed, gigantic deadly mosquitoes (for lack of a better description) which make the Houston variety seem impotent, scores of what look like Zanti Misfits (or should I say Mistfits?) and multi-tentacled giant arachnids who have a propensity to probe where we wish they wouldn't.  Scary stuff, indeed, but none of these creatures of destruction equal the horror of the Bible-spewing, supercalifragilisticexpiationdoses-demanding Marcia Gay Harden who proves that true evil is not lurking outside in the parking lot but within the souls of those huddled inside. It helps that the entire ensemble cast is quite good and you can rest assured that the overall graphic horror quotient will satisfy even the most blood-thirsty cineaste.  And while I won't give away the ending, let me simply say it was a bold and unexpected one that will leave some viewers shaken as the end credits begin to crawl.

"We're definitely not driving in this weather. That'd be so totally dangerous."

The Defending Champion.  "The Fog" is a traditional zombie film with an outstanding cast.  Adrienne Barbeau, in perhaps her best film role, is accompanied by the real-life mother-daughter team of Janet Leigh and Jamie Lee Curtis as well as John Houseman and Hal Holbrook.  It is the inimitable Mr. Houseman who sets the stage by telling an old ghost story by a camp fire on the beach of a seaside community about to celebrate its centennial.  Apparently one hundred years earlier the town's founders set a fire to lure a sailing vessel to the rocks and a watery grave for all aboard, including the lepers who intended to land nearby to establish their own settlement.  Legend has it that "When the fog returns to Antonio Bay, the men at the bottom of the sea will rise up and search for the campfire that led them to their dark and icy death."  The legend was dead on.  At first only weird things happen; clocks stop, electronic devices go haywire, glass shatters, etc., but then the faceless killing shadows of the resurrected emerge from the ethereal fog that overtakes the town and the revenge begins.  Unlike Mr. Darabont, Mr. Carpenter relies far more on atmosphere (pun intended) than graphic visuals to frighten the audience.  In fact, most of the horror is left to the viewer's imagination and not to the special effects gurus.

The Scorecard.  Let's start with the title.  Clearly "The Fog" is superior to "The Mist."  For God's sake, what's next?  "The Haze" or "The Condensation" -- how condescending would that be?  Points also go to "The Fog" for a superior cast.  Sometimes a film can really benefit by having relatively unknown actors throughout, but a typical genre piece, or in this case a sub-genre film, generally benefits by having a recognized cast assuming they are right for the part.  Who better than John Houseman to be the storyteller?  Who better than Hal Holbrook to play the priest?  Who better than Adrienne Barbeau to play the buxom heroine, at least back in 1980? 

"The Mist" is a more ambitious film on several levels.  It is far more dependent on special effects and for the most part the CGI creatures are reasonably good.  And points will always be won when the Zanti Misfits are given a homage; it's like having a cameo appearance by Kukla, Fran and Ollie, you just can't go wrong.  (That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.)  Whereas "The Fog" is simply a straightforward suspense/horror film, "The Mist" delves into a post-9/11 political allegory at times as it explores mob dynamics and religious fervor.  That's quite an undertaking.  You almost want to drink Kool-Aid rather than a Coke to wash down the popcorn.