Bryce Zabel's MOVIE SMACKDOWN!

Up (2009) -vs- Wall-E (2008)

The Smackdown.  A year ago on this very site, a small, garbage-collecting robot named "Wall-E" dethroned the king of computer animation, Pixar's beloved "Toy Story." The film found gigantic success, being hailed by critics, winning the Academy Award for best animated feature and receiving a nomination for Best Screenplay. "Wall-E" transformed the genre and pushed the limits of innovation and creativity.  Now, a year after its historical upset, "Wall-E" stands ready to defend its title against the newest of Pixar's animated giants, the high-flying adventure story "Up." Headlining opening night of the Cannes Film Festival, a feat never before accomplished by an animated feature (let alone an American one,) "Up" and its cast of elderly men, children and talking dogs (you heard me) have entered the world of cinema at full steam, their focus fixed solely on taking our favorite robot's crown. Will "Wall-E" have enough strength to put down its first challenger, or will his reign prove a short one? Let's find out!

The Challenger.  "Up" tells the story of Carl Fredricksen, an elderly balloon vendor who once dreamt of adventure with his wife Ellie, but now resigns himself to sitting on his front porch while the world moves on around him. In order to keep a promise he had made to his Ellie a lifetime ago, Carl decides to leave the world behind and relocate their home to the mythical Paradise Falls in Venezuela, the last known origins of Carl and Ellie's childhood hero, adventurer Charles Muntz. His plan - to lift their home out if its foundation by thousands of colorful balloons and sail through the heavens to his Paradise Falls. However, what Carl doesn't plan for is to accidentally take Russell, an energetic young boy scout, with him on his adventure. Nor does he plan to be thrown into the middle of a battle for a mysterious giant bird known as "Kevin," a conflict that has the potential to jeopardize his promise to Ellie.

The Simpsons Movie (2007) -vs- South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut (1999)

Editor's Note: Ten years ago this month -- June 30, 1999 -- "South Park" broke free from the small-screen to try its luck in the cineplexes, testing whether audiences would pay good money to see something they were used to getting for free. A couple of year's ago, "The Simpsons" went for the same leap. History now tells us that the box office winner was "The Simpsons Movie" with $527-million worldwide box office compared to "South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut" which brought in only $83-million worldwide. Back in 2007, though, no one knew how the numbers would shake out so SmackRef Lak Rana let them fight it out to see which one would win the artistic showdown. Here's Lak's review. ~~Bryce Zabel

 Drawn to the Absurd 

The Smackdown.  After nearly 400 episodes and 18 years spent entertaining viewers of all ages on the small screen, America's favorite dysfunctional family finally gets the big-screen treatment in the aptly titled "The Simpsons Movie." In an industry dominated by flashy special effects and high-tech computer-generated animation, "Simpsons" nevertheless spares us the frills and keeps its animation style ever so simple--opting instead to deliver satirical storylines laden with witty pop-culture references.  However, "Simpsons" is not the only clever, crudely animated television series to make the leap onto the big screen.  Another little, bare bones animated series by the name of "South Park" paved the way to theaters with "South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut" almost 10 years ago--only two years after first premiering on television screens across America.  So which series made a stronger transition from television to big screen?  You'll find out in a few minutes...so... just don't have a cow, Man!

The Challenger.  The town of Springfield is in a state of environmental chaos after somebody illegally dumped toxic pig droppings into Lake Springfield.  EPA Chief Russ Cargill cunningly convinces president Arnold Schwarzenegger to quarantine the town in a giant glass dome to contain the problem.  When the town residents discover that their beloved Homer J. Simpson is the one to blame for all their troubles, they form a mob and force the Simpson family to flee from the bubble and become fugitives.  While the Simpsons are trying to start a new life in Alaska they discover that the EPA and the president have one last plan of action for the Springfield situation--eradicate the town by blowing it up!  Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie decide to abandon Alaska immediately and return to save Springfield.  However, stubborn Homer is still preoccupied with his selfish rituals and refuses to leave the comforts of Alaska.  When he later realizes that he is nothing without his family and friends he charges back to Springfield and saves the town from its calamitious fate.  The one draw back is that there sadly isn't enough time in this fast paced movie to explore the many characters and places that audiences have come to admire from the television series.

Wall-E (2008) -vs- Toy Story (1995)

"Wall-E" DVD Release - November 18

The Smackdown.  "Wall-E" -- the last masterpiece to roll off the Pixar assembly line -- is out as a DVD/Blu-ray.  Remember when you first heard about this two-hour-long space-opera with barely any dialogue about robots who sift through garbage?  Who knew that it could one day step in the ring against the champion and have a real shot at victory?

So our Smackdown pits Pixar's lastest advancement in computer-animated awesomeness against the grand-daddy of them all, the first authentic feature-length computer-animated film ever, "Toy Story."  We all know the deal there -- toys come to life.  Done.  We're hooked. And ever since the film's first screening, we've been running out of our front doors shouting "To Infinity and Beyond!" as we left for work each morning.  So let's pit one set of talking inanimate objects against another set of sort-of-talking inanimate objects.  Let the best merchandise win!

The Challenger.  Way, way back, back before "Toy Story" was produced and Pixar was the animated behemoth that it is today, Andrew Stanton created Wall-E. A small, "short-circuit"-styled robot (whose name is actually an acronym for the phrase "Waste Allocation Load Lifter Earth-Class") Wall-E is the last of a line of robots left on Earth to clean up the mess we've made. Due to years of gorging consumerism, the planet has been left a giant trash-heap, too littered to possibly sustain life. In a grand gesture of social responsibility, the mega-conglomerate Buy 'N Large Corporation has encouraged humanity to take a 5 year "vacation" away from the planet, allowing their robots stay behind and restore Earth to a livable state while we all relax pool-side. Unfortunately, things didn't go as planned.

Wall-E (2008) -vs- Toy Story (1995)

Toying with Our Feelings

The Smackdown.  Something happened last night that I never thought could happen.  I waited in line for a midnight showing of a G-rated movie.  I stood in the lobby of the local AMC 20, next to a skinny, teenage kid dressed up as a boxy, yellowish robot with tank treads, and stared across the hall at a line of people waiting to see "Wanted," the brash, gun-toting, slap-your-mother ultra-violent Mark Millar-adaptation. And as I watched them, I thought to myself, "Heh, losers."  Obviously they had chosen the wrong movie to see that night. How could they possibly want to see anything else other than Pixar's newest, possibly greatest masterpiece, a two-hour-long space-opera with barely any dialogue about robots who sift through garbage?  It was "Wall-E."  And it was on.

So, today, it's "Wall-E," Pixar's newest advancement in computer-animated awesomeness, against the grand-daddy of them all, the first authentic feature-length computer-animated film ever, "Toy Story."  We all know the deal there -- toys come to life.  Done.  We're hooked. And ever since the film's first screening, we've been running out of our front doors shouting "To Infinity and Beyond!" as we left for work each morning (you haven't?).  So let's pit one set of talking inanimate objects against another set of sort-of-talking inanimate objects.  Let the best merchandise win!

The Challenger.  Way, way back, back before "Toy Story" was produced and Pixar was the animated behemoth that it is today, Andrew Stanton created Wall-E. A small, "short-circuit"-styled robot (whose name is actually an acronym for the phrase "Waste Allocation Load Lifter Earth-Class") Wall-E is the last of a line of robots left on Earth to clean up the mess we've made. Due to years of gorging consumerism, the planet has been left a giant trash-heap, too littered to possibly sustain life. In a grand gesture of social responsibility, the mega-conglomerate Buy 'N Large Corporation has encouraged humanity to take a 5 year "vacation" away from the planet, allowing their robots stay behind and restore Earth to a livable state while we all relax pool-side. Unfortunately, things didn't go as planned.

Enchanted (2007) -vs- Ever After (1998)

Fractured Fairy Tales
Review by Bryce Zabel 

The Smackdown. I was sorely tempted to smackdown the fish-out-of-water in NYC "Enchanted" with the similarly set-up "Kate and Leopold." They share structure, yes, but what "Ever After" brings to this particular party is a desire by filmmakers to breathe new life into the fairy tale concept. It's a pretty commercial plan, witness the success of the "Shrek" series. "Enchanted" brings a Disney cartoon princess to the Big Apple and lets her become a bit more human while "Ever After" stays put in the time of fairy tales but manages to make its Cinderella story feel, well, a bit more human. Which one does the best job, though, of giving the audience a fairy tale experience worth the price of admission?

The Challenger. After "Enchanted" blew everybody away over Thanksgiving weekend, my wife and I thought we'd check out what made this story of a fairy tale princess in New York City so sucessful. It starts with an air-headed wanna-be princesss named Giselle who actually first appears as an old-style Disney animated cartoon character. In animation, everybody gets introduced: the vain Prince Edward; his queen-bitch mom, Queen Narissa, the fat comic relief, Nathaniel and, for good measure, a high-spirited chipmunk. Then we get introduced to the magic well and one-by-one these characters end up popping up from a manhole cover into modern New York where they become flesh-and-blood (except for the chipmunk who goes CGI). The show belongs to Amy Adams and a great loopy performance.  Less successful is her love interest, shark divorce lawyer Robert, played by Patrick Dempsey. The animation is a compressed Disney film in a few minutes, and the first appearances in New York give up a lot of fun, but the film does sputter about on the way through its story. And let's put it this way, even if you're watching with a kid, they'll know how it ends as soon as you do and maybe before. 

"I don't mean any offense, but honestly, that step-mother of yours is a real bitch. Let's get out of here."

The Defending Champion. This is the story of Cinderella told from a highly imaginative point-of-view; namely, Cinderella was a real girl. In this world, then, the fairy tale grew out of the real event, magnified through each telling, kind of like Paul Bunyan. This means, however, that if you watch expecting pumpkin-coaches that you will be sadly disappointed. Drew Barrymore plays Danielle, a young woman who's not likely to get the chance to make much out of her life through all kinds of repressions, not the least of which is a truly frightening stepmother played by Anjelica Huston. The reason she's truly scary is not that she is written in that over-the-top way that you might expect but because she is not trying to be cruel, but her actions turn out that way. You've probably had a few bosses like this insecure tormentor. There's a romance, to be sure, between Danielle and Prince Henry (Dougray Scott) who gets to play him smart and cool. What's fascinating about this version is that Danielle and her prince get to meet and talk and the tension is that they may not be able to get together when they clearly should.

The Scorecard. Many viewing experiences are relative. When my kids were younger, we saw all manner of kids films. The attraction for me was never what was on the screen but watching my children enjoy themselves. I sat through the "Power Rangers" movies, what can I say? So, had a four-year-old been seated next to me, I think I could probably have looked at "Enchanted" as a pretty fair time of it. As a movie that has to stand on its own, though, it is one rocky experience. There are portions of it that almost make you smile, but never quite get there. There are other parts that are so convenient and so predictable, the whole affair seems forced and by the numbers. I wanted more.

"Ever After," on the other hand, was a movie I knew very little about but my daughter wanted to see it. Its level of sophistication and re-invention was a wonder. Charming, thoughtful... even, yes, surprising!  It's the best Cinderella movie ever.